Tears And A Song
by LeE-81881
Summary: A song gets Harm to open up..
1. Tears And A Song

TEARS AND A SONG  
  
Author: LeE  
  
Classification: H/M  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimers: DPB and CBS won JAG and it's characters. I don't. Just borrowing them for some fun.  
  
Spoilers: None, really.  
  
Summary: I think the title is enough to give you an idea. Don't be lazy. Read the whole story.....:)  
  
Author's Note: This is just a short little piece that I thought of today while I was in class (hey.. I'm allowed to daydream during lectures..:)) Now, if something like this could only happen in the show for real!! :) The song I used is called "Flying without Wings" sung by Westlife, from their self-titled CD "Westlife"....I've always loved this song because I always imagined Harm singing it to Mac....Enjoy...  
  
  
JAG HQ  
1000 EST  
  
The day had been uneventful at the office. Actually, uneventful was not a good enough word. It had been plain boring. However, Harmon Rabb Jr. had much to think about. One hundred percent of his thoughts were about a certain Lt Colonel who had a grip on his heart he couldn't deny any longer. It had been eating him up all week, and hearing that song hadn't made it any easier to deal with.   
  
"That damn song" he said to himself trying to concentrate on the paperwork in front of him. It wasn't an easy task. Ever since he had seen Mac, that day in the Rose Garden, he'd had trouble concentrating on work when he knew she was around. Why he was still good at his job? Oh, that was because Mac challenged him and believed in him. Without her as a friend he wouldn't be here. He knew it, and apparently everyone else did too.  
  
"Excuse me?" Mac asked from the door when she heard him talk  
  
He jerked his head up at the sound of her voice. "Uh, Mac. Have a seat"  
  
She shot him a confused look but complied. Once she was seated she started her cross-examination. "So, Harm. Tell me. What song was it that you were cursing just right now?" she said with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Maaccc....do you really want to get into this? You know how things end up with us when you decide to analyze me" he said smiling nervously, hoping to get her off the subject.  
  
"Yes, I do. Usually I end up pointing out mind blowing, painfully obvious truths and facts to you, Counselor" she said and smiled. He didn't. She continued.  
  
"Ah, come on Harm. Even tough I'm *kidding*, you know I'm right. You always mess up the most important things in your life, and if it weren't for me pointing them out to you, God knows what would be of you today" she said and chuckled. This was all very amusing to her. To Harm, however, it was embarrassing, to say the least. He decided he wouldn't let her beat him this time. She wanted mind blowing, painfully obvious truths? Well, she was about to get one of them. She asked for it.  
  
"Sarah, do you really want the truth?" he said with a soft low voice that chilled her to the bone. His eyes pierced into hers and she froze completely. She had only seen a look that intense in his eyes once before. Australia.  
  
"Ha..Har...Harm?" she finally managed. "What are you talking about?"  
  
He laughed softly, his eyes still gazing deep into hers. He stood up, closed the door and hit the blinds.   
  
Sarah Mackenzie had never felt so vulnerable in her whole life. Well, maybe in Australia, but that one didn't count. She had walked right into that one. This time, though, it hadn't been her fault. She came into his office hoping to talk to her best friend and relieve some stress, and instead, she was in for the experience of her life, or so it seemed.   
  
Harm walked back to where she was sitting and slowly knelt in front of her, his eyes never leaving hers. He grabbed her arms and unfolded them from the position they had been in around her waist. He leaned a little more into the chair and wrapped his arms around her waist, hugging her as if his own life depended on it. His head rested against her chest. After a few moments, the shock wore off and she hugged him tight to her.  
  
"Harm, are you alright? Is it Sergei? Palmer? Are you in trouble?" she said, concern coming through clearly in her words.  
  
"Oh, I'm in trouble all right" he said and sighed. She was confused  
  
"What do you mean you're in trouble?"  
  
"Well, you see. I'm afraid I've just made a fool of myself"  
  
"What? How could you make a fool out of yourself?" She tried to disentangle herself form his embrace to look at him, but he hugged her tighter and whispered, his voice ruffled by her uniform "Don't let go. Not yet, please"  
  
To say that Sarah Mackenzie was surprised was the understatement of the year. Something really awful must have happened to him, she thought.   
  
"Harm, tell me what's wrong" she pleaded with him  
  
She felt him smile against her chest. "Sarah, nothing is wrong, and that's just my problem. I can't think of a single thing that's wrong other than the fact that we're at the office, I'm on my knees, with my arms wrapped around you, and you still feel the need to ask me why I'm doing it" he said, his voice a deep whisper.   
  
"What?" she whispered, her voice full of emotion   
  
"Sarah, I want you to listen to me ok? I heard this song last Monday, on the radio. I couldn't get it out of my head. I went and bought the CD. I have it memorized and every time I hear it all I can think of is how much I love you and how much those words are true in my life"  
  
She tried to speak. "Harm....I don't know what..."  
  
"Shhh" he cut her off. "You don't have to say anything. I can't take this anymore, Sarah. It's been almost a year since my crash and your almost wedding. I kept thinking we needed time to fix our friendship, and we have, but your friendship is not all I want from you. I'm tired of waiting for the right moment to do this. You have to know. You have to know now. No more waiting"  
  
He heard her breath in deep, but before she could say anything he started to sing the song to her.  
  
Everybody's looking for that something  
One thing that makes it all complete  
You'll find it in the strangest places  
Places you never knew it could be.  
  
Some find it in the face of their children  
Some find it in their lover's eyes  
Who can deny the joy it brings  
When you've found that special thing  
You're flying without wings.  
  
When she heard those words she gasped audibly, and he smiled before he continued. "Flying without wings" she thought to herself. Is he telling me what I think he is? Before she could reach a verdict he continued his musical assault.  
  
Some find it sharing every morning  
Some in the solitary night  
You'll find it in the words of others  
A simple line can make you laugh, or cry  
You'll find it in the deepest friendship  
The one you cherish all your life  
And when you know how much that means  
You've found that special thing  
You're flying without wings  
  
So, impossible as it may seem  
You've got to fight for every dream  
'Cause who's to know which one you let go  
would've made you complete?  
  
Well, for me is waking up beside you  
To watch the sunrise on your face.  
To know that I can say 'I love you'  
In any given time or place  
It's little things that only I know  
Those are the things that make you mine  
And it's like flying without wings  
'Cause you're my special thing  
I'm flying without wings.  
And you're the place my life begins  
And you'll be where it ends, I'm flying without wings  
And that's the joy you bring.  
I'm flying without wings.  
  
The significance of what the song was telling her made the tears run freely down her cheeks. So many years of waiting, of dreaming, of hoping, of praying, and it had all come down to this. A quiet afternoon at JAG and a song that had inspired the love of her life to confess the love he had for her. The joy she felt at that moment surpassed any other she had ever felt. She never imagined what it could feel like to love someone as much as she loved Harm and to have him reciprocate her feelings.   
  
Her heart was soaring at the words of the song he had just sung for her. Everything was right in her world. She knew life wouldn't be a garden of roses, but she had a feeling everything would be fine. She had the love of the most amazing man in the universe, and that was more than enough.   
  
She hugged him to her as tight as possible and he responded the same way. His face was buried deep in her chest. She felt him stir a little and heard him start to speak.  
  
"Sarah, there is nothing in this Earth more important to me than you. You make me complete, and I'm sorry it took me so long to admit that to you. I love you, I always have and I always will. I want the last part of that song to be true about you and me, always. I want to wake up and watch the sunrise on your face, and I want to be able to tell you 'I love you' anytime, anywhere. I want to know every little thing about you I don't already know and I want nothing more than to make you mine forever."   
  
She ran her fingers through his silky hair and kissed the top of his head countless times. "I love you too, Harm. I love you so much. Thank you"  
  
He had confessed to loving her more than he did anything else, including his beloved Tomcats. That's what the song was about. She reached out with one of her hands and caressed tenderly the side of his face that wasn't buried deep in Marine green. Tears escaped his eyes making their way down her hand, and at that moment, she knew that Harmon Rabb, Jr. was hers, forever. He had finally opened up his heart to her. Yes, with tears and a song, Harmon Rabb, Jr. let go.   
  
  
THE END!!!! I hope all of you enjoyed it. If you feel like letting me know, feedback is always appreciated...:) 


	2. Tears And A Talk

TEARS AND A TALK  
  
  
Author: LeE  
  
Classification: H/M Romance  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimers: DPB and CBS own JAG and it's characters. I don't. Just borrowing them for some fun.  
  
Spoilers: To Russia with Love, Ghost Ship...maybe some other ones...  
  
Summary: Sequel to "Tears and a Song" Harm and Mac have the "talk" and take the tentative first step in their new relationship.  
  
Author's Note: This one is short and doesn't really solve much, but it made for some interesting brainstorming while I wrote Harm's POV (which I don't usually write well BTW) Many people have sent me feedback asking if I'd write a sequel for "Tears and a Song" Well, here it is. There will be a third chapter to follow, and I promise the smut will be on that one... I just couldn't seem to fit it in this part. Thanks to my wonderful betas for their help!! And thanks to all of you who sent feedback and requested this sequel... Enjoy... LeE  
  
  
SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT  
GEORGETOWN  
1830 EST  
  
As I sit at the edge of my bed, wrapped up in my pink robe, I struggle with my own memories, racking my brain, trying to remember the last time I felt like this. 'A nervous Marine' I think to myself and laugh lightly. Then it hits me. I can't remember feeling like this before because I never have! No one has ever made me tingle all over like Harm does. Nothing has ever captivated my senses as completely as his intoxicating presence does. The way the enchanting green of his eyes makes my days so colorful and picturesque. Everything about him is fascinating. He's not an ordinary man. He's Harmon Rabb, Jr. The lawyer, the aviator, and the man I love.   
  
Now that I've finally allowed myself to admit my feelings towards him, I can't help but smile. Who would have thought that a simple song could change the course of our lives forever? "Our lives," I whisper as I allow myself, for the first time, to think of Harm and me as "us". I can still feel his strong arms encircling my waist, and the welcomed weight of his head resting against my chest as he sang to me a few days ago in my office. There are so many things I'm looking forward to doing with him. However, what we have to do tonight is not one of them. He promised we'd have *the* talk tonight. Talk. Oh, boy!   
  
HARM'S APARTMENT   
NORTH OF UNION STATION  
Same Time  
  
I still can't believe this was my idea. I promised we'd have *the* talk tonight. Mom's going to be so proud of me when I tell her. I chuckle softly as I think of how I'll probably need hearing aids after my mother's done shouting her thanks to God over the phone. I saunter happily over to the living room and turn on the radio. Music has always had a soothing effect on me. Sometimes a song can shed some needed light on things about my own life that I couldn't figure out on my own. They say us humans use only 10% of our brain capacity. Well, I don't think I'm that lucky. I smile as I think once again of my situation. A song. It was a simple song, but the words held the simple answer to a complicated question. I can't live without her. She's that special thing in my life that makes me wake up every morning. It's the sound of her laughter that lulls me to sleep every night, and the memory of the few times I've been privileged to hold her close is the only thing that gives me hope for the future. "Our future" I whisper. I realized a few minutes ago that I'm grinning like an idiot. Not that I care, of course.   
  
Walking back to the bedroom, I think of what I should wear. For years now, I've imagined what this day would be like. "Wow" I whisper as the truth sinks in a little better with every moment that goes by. I have a date with Mac. I feel characteristic warmth overtake me as I remember the way she felt in my arms the day I confessed my love to her. Nothing ever felt so perfect. So right. So....meant to be.   
  
I remember sitting down on the front porch as a child, listening to my father's voice as he told mom and me about his life aboard the carrier. The strong feeling of belonging that surged within me every time I listened to those tapes was the only thing that helped me go on the many times I lost faith in myself. Often, as I lay awake at night listening to my mother's soft crying from the other side of the door, I wondered silently if following in my father's footsteps meant that someday I would be the cause of a woman's tears too. A woman I would love like my father loved my mother. A woman who would build a life with me like my parents had done with each other. Could I... love someone as much as Dad loved Mom? Could someone ever love me that way too?  
  
I still can't explain exactly what happened, but the day I met Mac something clicked. I find myself reminiscing of our early years as partners and best friends. It was always us against the world. As I shift around my apartment in a daze, I wonder silently if Mac knows just how important her support and friendship really were back then. They still are, but she came into my life at a point where I wasn't really sure of where I was headed. She helped me find myself again, and even though she never knew, she is the reason I am where I am today. Ha! Most people I know would have a field day if they found out the big, strong, cocky naval aviator-turned lawyer had indeed moments of self-doubt, starting with SecNav and down the list to my ex-girlfriends, of course.   
  
Brainstorming like this only brings me back to the subject I've tried to bury for years now. That feeling I've tried to ignore since that time Mac followed me to Russia. My love for her didn't grow overnight, but Russia was the drop that made the cup overflow. The day I learned of my father's fate was the day my own was revealed to me. As I shed tears for the past, my own future was unraveling before me. Sarah Mackenzie was my destiny. Everything was suddenly so clear, and that feeling of belonging that I only felt when I thought of my father coursed through me again. Only this time I wasn't hearing my father's voice through a tape recorder. This time it was her voice that made me whole. Sarah. The question I'd asked myself so many times as I heard my mother's crying had finally been answered, albeit partially. I loved Sarah Mackenzie, the same way my father loved my mother. However, the other half of my question was still unanswered. Mac said she loved me too, but....Could she love me the way Mom loved Dad?  
  
"Well, it's about time you attempted to find out, Rabb" I mumble to myself as I reach for my cologne and spray some on.   
  
It's almost time to leave. Don't want to give my Marine reason to get upset with me for being late to our first date. I take one last look at myself as I get ready to leave. Coming out of the bedroom my eyes settle on a picture I've kept on my desk for years. It's a picture of Mac in her gypsy outfit from our adventure in Russia. "God, she really is an angel," I whisper as I pick up the picture and trace it with my fingertips. Tonight is time for that long overdue talk. I know I won't get an answer to that other half of my question tonight. The last thing I want to do is rush this relationship and have it blow up in our faces, but I'll get my answer someday soon. I just hope I can live with the answer.  
  
  
SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT  
30 MINUTES LATER  
  
A knock on the door brought Mac back to reality as she noticed her palms were still sweating. Jesus, that hadn't happened since... well, the last time she remembered being this nervous they were on another continent, aboard a ferry where her dreams had come crashing down on her. Harmon Rabb, Jr. had managed to do that all with two words. 'Not yet.' Things had changed since that day: his almost death, her almost wedding, and their several almost-talks. All that would change today, if Sarah Mackenzie had any say in the matter.   
  
"Hey, Mac" Harm said as nonchalantly as he could possibly make himself sound.   
  
"Hey, Sailor. Come on in" 'Damn it, why is this so hard' she thought as she accepted the flowers he had brought for her and strolled over towards the kitchen, her favorite sailor in tow. Flower's made any woman's day, even a kick-ass Marine. Her expression must have given away her thoughts and she braced herself, her hands glued to the kitchen counter, as she waited for the inevitable. Seconds later, there it was, a full-blown flyboy smile that she was certain had to be mentioned somewhere in the UCMJ. It wasn't the first time her Sailor's smile had paralyzed her. So naturally, she had a plan.   
  
"Uh, Harm. Could you get a couple of water bottles from the refrigerator, while I put the flowers in some water?" Harm simply nodded and started on his task, turning his back towards Mac, which gave her enough time to recover.   
  
They had agreed to cook together, and a couple of hours later, they were sitting in comfortable silence on Mac's couch, watching the rain pour outside. Harm's senses were so in tune with his surroundings that he could hear with unbelievable clarity every drop splashing on the window. His brain already overloaded, he caught himself feeling overly impatient. He knew he had to say something. A word, a phrase, a sound, anything that would ease the tension he could sense was building up and getting ready to overwhelm the love of his life sitting dangerously close to him. 'Do it, Rabb. Now' he thought and prepared to open up to her, whatever that meant.   
  
"Sarah" he whispered. In any other circumstance she probably wouldn't have heard him, but not tonight. Tonight she was hanging on his every word. Her hands were clasped almost painfully in her lap, her lips tightly pressed together, and her eyes held a haunted look he hoped never to see again.   
  
"Yes, Harm" she whispered in return, her voice unsteady, her insecurity and apprehension revealing her very soul to him.   
  
"Sarah, I... I don't know how to..."  
  
"Just say it, Harm. The truth"  
  
Turning to the side on the couch, he reached for her and drew her towards him. Pleasantly surprised when she didn't fight him, he settled his hand on her face, and traced her jaw with his thumb.   
  
"What truth do you want to hear, Mac?"  
  
"Well, you can start with what happened when you left to fly"   
  
Harm nodded solemnly. "I needed to do it. I thought you of all people would understand that. I missed you like crazy, Mac. You're the reason I came back."  
  
"And when you came back you felt like I had replaced you with Mic?"  
  
His handsome face momentarily darkened by the memories, he spoke softly, "God, Mac. You'll never know how much that hurt"  
  
She felt tears threaten to fall as she thought back to those days. "I'm sorry I wasn't more understanding. I treated you very badly when you came back. I guess I was still mad at you for leaving me, even though I knew why you'd gone."  
  
He simply nodded and plunged ahead, figuring if they were going to have this talk, he needed to dive in headfirst. "Mac, what happened in Australia? I mean, I know how badly I reacted that night, but why did you choose that night to come out and tell me about your feelings?"  
  
"I caught you off guard, didn't I?" she said and smiled sadly as he nodded his agreement.   
  
"You certainly did, Marine. I mean, we were barely getting back to the friendship we'd had before I left. I thought that's what you wanted, and then out of nowhere there you are asking me if I wanna see you topless. I mean, what kind of question is that Mac?" he said teasingly the last few words and nudged her gently, making sure she understood his attempt at relieving some of the tension.  
  
"I know Harm. I guess I just got tired of waiting and I wanted to know where we stood. I'd loved you for so long, and I died inside when you left to fly. I didn't think I could do it again without you knowing how I felt about you. It was an impulse I guess, just like your answer was controlled by the circumstances. I understand that now"  
  
"Sarah, I never meant for it sound like I was rejecting you, it's just that....."  
  
A finger to his lips silenced him. "Shh, it's okay, Harm. I know"   
  
"Mac, I know there are many bad things that have happened between us the past two years. But, is it necessary for us to relive the past so that we can start on our future? I mean, do you really think it would do any good to talk about all the negative things? We can do it if you want to. I'm just saying that maybe we'd be better off if we just took it one step at a time for now. Let's deal with things as they come, not all at once." His eyes pleaded with hers, letting her know the *talk* was hurting him as much as it was her.   
  
"You're right, Harm. Maybe we don't need to do this all at once. We can deal with things one day at a time, one mistake at a time"  
  
"Hey, no... I don't want to hear that word again. There's no room for mistakes anymore, Sarah"  
  
"Harm, how can you be so sure, I mean..." he cut her off with a gentle loving kiss that permanently made 'kissing Harm' first on her hobby list.  
  
'Forget, Tomcats. They don't have Mac's lips' Harm thought fleetingly as he felt his Marine open her mouth and welcome his tender oral assault. One hand on her small back held her firmly against him, as the other tangled itself in her hair. The perfection of the moment gripped Harm's heart intensely, and tears ran down his face, merging with Mac's own, as the kiss deepened in a promise of things to come. After moments that seemed more like a lifetime, they broke apart reluctantly and looked deeply into each other's eyes.   
  
"You want to know why I'm sure there won't be any more mistakes, Sarah?" he asked and Mac simply nodded shakily, as his captivating eyes pierced her very soul.   
  
"Because, after everything we've been through, why would God keep us on this Earth if it weren't to love each other, Sarah? All the obstacles we faced only made our love stronger. And I promise you, I'll move heaven and earth to give you the happily ever after you deserve, baby" he whispered and smiled tenderly, as his nose rubbed delicately against hers. Cradling his face in her small hands, she nodded and sniffled softly, trying hard to control her emotions enough to put in words what she was feeling. Harm sensed her struggle and crushed her against him as she attempted to speak.   
  
"SShhhh, baby. It's okay. I love you so much, Sarah." He said softly, tracing her face with gentleness he never knew he was capable of showing.  
  
"I love you too, Harm" her voice was music to his ears and he closed his eyes, sighing in contentment as the love of his life snuggled closer to him.   
  
"I know, honey. I know," he replied in between loving kisses planted on her forehead.   
  
Maybe all the questions hadn't been answered, but how could six years worth of mistakes and misunderstandings be dealt with in a single night? It would take time, and they both knew it, but an amazing feeling of serenity overtook them both as they realized the hardest step was behind them. The channels of communication had been opened, and nothing short of God himself could separate them now. With similar thoughts flooding their minds, they simply held onto each other, silently willing the strength of their love to begin the healing of profound wounds they knew a lifetime of words never could. There would be times to laugh, and someday they might even look back on this night with fondness; but tonight, they had to find a way to will the hurt away and finally close the door to that place in their hearts that harbored the doubts that had kept them apart for so long. Mutually accepting the enormity of the feelings that had surfaced, they finally let go of all the years marred by their own decisions. Not knowing how else to cope, tears ran down his face and fused with hers, physically sealing their declaration of love.   
  
"Never again will there be any talks ending like this. That's a promise, Sarah," he whispered, his voice trembling as he cradled her in strong arms.  
  
"I believe you, Harm. Love you."  
  
"I love you too, Sarah"  
  
  
The End... will be continued soon in "III- Tears And A Ring"... 


End file.
